As the Senior Pastor in a rural church where the average age of people in the congregation was 71, I had to deal with funerals on a regular basis. I once joked I knew more about funeral formalities than I did wedding ceremonies. Looking back at my previous church experience, in six years I performed 5 wedding ceremonies; I lost track of the number of funerals we did. At one point I officiated at funerals almost on a weekly basis. In that time period I became very well accustomed to death and the grieving process people go through following the lose of a loved one. It also taught me that death is definitely not the end most people assume it to be.
Early in our church ministry Heydi and I watched in the hospital as one of our close friends from the congregation died. Judy had suffered from a long illness which dragged her down over time. After she died, we noticed some strange things going on in our home. Odd noises caught our attention. Small personal items began to disappear and then reappear with no explanation. The most surprising event to catch our attention was when I poured coffee for Heydi one week after Judy’s funeral. She set her full cup of coffee on the kitchen table, then came back to it a short time later to find the cup half empty. Judy loved coffee, and also loved playing games hiding things and having fun with people. We put two and two together and figured Judy was still wanting to hang out with us for a while after her death. We began talking to her whenever we felt her presence, or just when ever the feeling to do so came up. We did not do any sort of exotic ritual or séance; we simply spoke to her in a normal conversational way, much as we would talk to one another. Shortly after adopting this practice, Judy decided it was time to move on, and the disturbances stopped. This showed us the reality of something I had only taken by faith in earlier years: death is not the end; life continues on beyond the veil, and we can still have contact with those who have passed.
A few years after our experience with Judy, we had another funeral to perform, and family to comfort. This situation was far more tragic. The funeral was for a younger man who had a wife and daughter, brothers, as well as a mother and father all still living. One day he became terribly depressed and committed suicide. None of the surviving family members saw this event coming. In shock and grief they made comments like, “If we had only known what he was going through.” His wife made the comment after the funeral, “I wish he was still here so we could tell him how much we still love him.” The man’s brother responded with the comment, “I wish he was still here so I could kick his ass for putting us all through this!” It was a sad occasion filled with regrets and remorse. But the bottom line I would like to share now is: It is never too late to tell someone how much they have meant to you, even after physical death! And…you do not require a medium or oracle to accomplish this task. You can speak to deceased loved ones just as easily as you can speak to the living. It just requires a small leap of faith and the willingness to do something most might consider odd.
Most people assume that death is the end; that after death we lose all contact and connection with a person. We comfort one another by saying things like, “He’s in heaven now”, or “She’s in a better place”, but deep down most people consider death as the ultimate destruction of the person they loved. I have learned to view death in a different way. To me death is not the end, but only a transition from one life to another life. We no longer see or hear them as we once did before, but they are still accessible. During the transitionary stage from one life to another life, it is possible for our loved ones to communicate with us in whatever way they may see fit. It is also possible for us to talk to them whenever we feel their presence around us, or when we feel it necessary to share with them how we really feel about our past life together. Death does not break the bonds of love we have. The body may die, but the soul, the essence of the person we love, that continues on. We just need to readjust to a different mode of relationship with the deceased. One in which we honor their memory, feel joy in the Spirit of Love that we share, and learn to let go of the past so that we may move on into a happy future. This is where talking things over with a deceased loved one can be of benefit.
If we are dealing with someone who has died leaving a lot of emotional baggage behind and many things left undone, talking things over with them can help. For example, as in the case of the young man who committed suicide mentioned above, a person can still sit down and have it out with the deceased loved one even after the funeral. Friends and family members can come out and say, “You know you really hurt us by doing this, but we also still love you and we pray that you find peace.” In the case where someone has passed and we wish to apologize for wrongs we have done to them, we can still sit down and make our apologies and express our regrets and open ourselves to reconciliation and healing. There are two simple ways one may choose to do this.
The first I have practiced is just sitting down in front of a picture of the person and talking to that person “one on one” as it were. This can best be done in a place that has deep emotional bonds for the both of you, such as the home in which the person lived. First, get beyond the mindset that the person is dead, and the false assumption that he or she can no longer hear you. The body is dead, but the spirit lives on and can still be connected to you through deep bonds of love. Say whatever is on your mind, then breath deeply and pause for several moments as if waiting for a reply. You may not get a reply (as in the normal sense), but you may well experience a feeling of calm and peace after this exchange. Later on you may receive a reply from the loved one in the form of a dream or a sudden thought that pops into your head. You may also receive no tangible reply at all. But you can still speak your mind and trust that your message has been heard.
The second way of doing this is by writing your thoughts in the form of a letter. This method is recommended by psychologists, and also works very well. Just sit down in a calm still place (again one that has emotional ties to the person if possible) and write down your thoughts, feelings, and anything you would like to say to the person. Then, when you are done, you may seal the letter into an envelope and store it away for future reference, or you may burn it in a safe location imagining the smoke delivering the words to your loved one in the world of Spirit.
It should be noted that these methods are ones I have used in speaking with loved ones to let them know what is on my mind. It is a form of talking to the dead, not summoning the dead. Speaking with the dead is us talking to them, without expecting an answer. Summoning is bringing the spirit of the dead person back to us, expecting to receive a direct answer to our questions. Speaking with the dead is something we all can do, and it is easy with a little practice. Summoning the dead is tricky and forbidden in some religions. It is definitely something only a skilled adept should attempt as there are problems in discerning one spirit from another and weeding out deceptive trickster spirits which may intrude from time to time. But talking to the dead in order to express things we did not get around to expressing in life can be very safe and emotionally healing. Just focus on saying your part, and allow room for your loved one to answer in a way they deem to be appropriate; or, to not answer directly at all, but to leave it all go in loving silence…which can be another way of answering as well!
Blessings,
Ralph
